Emmett Annoys Lord Voldemort
by Jessikinz
Summary: Okay, so, we know that Emmett is one Mischievous vampire, well, what happens when he finds a list of ways to annoy Lord Voldemort? Read and find out. Chapters probably won't be long, cuz, this is just 'fun way to pass the time' story.
1. Why don't YOU have such a cool scar?

The Many Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort

By: Jessikinz

**Chapter One: **_"Why don't YOU have such a cool scar?"_

There were many things that Lord Voldemort wasn't. Funny, nice, cuddly, and peppy were some of the words that would not describe him. Along with tolerant or patient. He wasn't any of those things and anyone who knew him knew of this. But it seemed that there was going to be one person who was going to try to annoy him to death. Emmett Cullen, a vampire disguised as a Death Eater wannabe to try and do just that. Of course he could probably poke him in the head with just a little bit of pressure and easily kill him, but, this would end with a funnier result.

Currently Emmett was wandering the hall of Voldemort's latest lair, not bothering to wear his Death Eater outfit just yet. Apparently you had to go through some sort of 'test' before being able to do that. Boy was the Dark Lord going to be in for a shock when he realized that the Dark Mark wasn't on his left arm anymore. Emmett looked into all the rooms, trying to find his 'Master' he stopped at one on his right and opened it up, but quickly shut it and shuddered. "Okay, won't ever be able to look Snape and Malfoy Sr. in the face ever again." He muttered. If he was able to sleep, he'd probably have nightmares for the rest of forever.

Shaking his head disbelievingly he ventured forward until he was at the last door that he hadn't checked. Without knocking he entered the room, positive that Voldemort was inside beyond the door.

"Who dare enters my room without permission?" The cold pitch voice of the Dark Lord could be heard.

"Emmett Cullen, my Lord." Emmett said, trying not to bust out laughing and trying to keep his British façade up.

"The new recruit? What do you want?" Voldemort asked impatiently, waving his hand as if telling Emmett to continue.

"Well, sir, I was just wondering if you could let me know more about this Harry Potter that you seem so set on destroying. You know, since I've been in the states for the past fourteen years, I wasn't around the first time."

Voldemort sighed. "Very well, very well. Know that I'll not tell you every single thing, you'll just have to deal with the basics."

"Of course, my Lord." Emmett said, waiting, keeping the grin off his face. Part one of 'The Many Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort' plan is in action.

Voldemort then proceeded to tell Emmett the basics of how Harry Potter became his number one enemy. From the prophecy that was told about the two, to Peter Pettigrew coming over to the dark side and becoming a Secret Keeper so that he could reveal where Lily and James Potter were hidden with their only son, to everything that had happened up to that point.

"So, why don't YOU have such a cool scar?" Emmett asked, making himself sound politely, yet annoyingly curious. He could see Voldemorts hand twitch, as if he wanted to go straight for his wand and curse Emmett into oblivion and he just might as well have.

"Get OUT!" Emmett did, snickering under his breath.


	2. Laugh at Him

The Many Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort  
By: Jessikinz

**Chapter Two:** _"Laugh at Him."_

Tonight Emmett had one of his first Death Eater meetings, well, the first one after he received his Dark Mark. Thankfully, he wouldn't have to actually participate in any kind of activity tonight since he was still a new recruit and Voldemort didn't think he was really all that 'worthy' of it. He would just be there for the info part of the meeting and then, once that was over, he would leave and go on a type of mission. Apparently that was a great Honor. Or, well, according to Bellatrix Lestrange anyway, but Emmett thought that she was insane, sometimes in a very funny way, it was sometimes difficult for him to contain his laughter, humans were so amusing when they wanted to rule the world.

Emmett walked down another long hallway there seemed to be quite a few of them around here, it was a bit annoying. He was whistling a jaunty tune when he walked past Snape and Malfoy Sr. "I heard you two got caught playing with each others instruments during band." He told them with a huge grin on his face, and before they could come up with a reply, he continued to make his way to the meeting, chuckling under his breath, this was probably going to be a very fun day. He didn't need Alice's power to tell him that, it was a day where he just wanted to cause some mischief and mayhem, and that's exactly what he intended to do. He was planning out all the things that he was going to do to Moldywarts.

"Welcome, my faithful servants, I have some news." Snake face informed us. I fought hard to not roll my eyes. He always seemed to have news, but, it never seemed to do anything good with it. "I have heard rumors about where Harry Potter is located. As we all know, he stays with his only living relatives from his mothers' side." He paused here, probably for dramatic effect. Several seconds went by and he continued. "Of course, since this puts very old magic at work and he is protected by the blood of his filthy mudblood mother and we don't know EXACTLY where it is." Voldemort finished.

All of the other Death Eater's looked around and then at him, looking at him expectantly. "Is that all?" A brave, or rather, foolish, Death Eater asked. Voldemort looked at him with an angered expression on his face. 'Jeeze,' Emmett thought 'It's like this guy's bipolar or something. I wonder what would happen if I stuck him and Jasper in a room together for an hour.' That thought made snicker.

"Avada Kedavra!" Voldemort hissed and the Death Eater dropped dead. Emmett shook his head. "Do you have a problem, Cullen?" the Dark Lord hissed.

"Of course not, my Lord. I simply had something in my ear and was shaking my head to get it out." Emmett replied calmly and a wonderful idea popped into his head.

"Good, shall we continue this meeting then?" Out of nowhere Emmett started laughing at him, for no apparent reason. "Stop this at once!" Voldemort hissed and Emmett immediately stopped. "As I was say-" He stopped interrupted again by the sound of Emmett laughing. "I've had enough of this, CRUCIO!" Voldemort yelled and this only made him laugh harder. "SOMEONE GET HIM OUT OF HERE NOW!" Two Death Eaters quickly scrambled up out of their chairs and over to Emmett and hurriedly got him out of the room.

Once he was out, Emmett stood up straight and pulled out a candy looking packet. "Wonder how wonderful they'll think their Master is once he's puking and has a bloody nose." He said to himself, putting the packet back in his pocket.

**A/N: I realize that this chapter may not be as funny as the first, but, it was kind of hard for me to type cuz i live with my sister and her husband and they're four kids and they were just being loud today, it wasn't fun. But, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I'm going camping tomorrow and I won't be back until Wednesday, but I'm going to work on the story while I'm there so hopefully I'll have a few chapters for you all when I get back ^^ and I wanna thank all of you who reviewed (I know I responded individually but, I like saying thanks to everyone in my story as well) OH! and I was wondering if anyone out there would like to take a look at this one-shot Bella/Edward story it's rated M but I've never done a Lemon before, so I kind of need some constructive criticism, if you're interested let me know thanks! -huggles!-**


	3. Wake him up by singing the Beach Boys

The Many Ways to Annoy Lord Voldemort  
By: Jessikinz

**Chapter Three:** _"Wake him by singing the Beach Boys."_

It had been three weeks since Emmett last attempt to annoy Voldemort. He had been 'punished' most severely for his disrespectfullness, obviously Emmett couldn't be hurt by anything that the Death Eaters threw at him, but he had to act like it did, and it was fun. Emmet hadn't ever consider taking a Drama class in high school, but, after this, he just might have to reconsider that decision.

Although, his acting just might be a little bit TOO dramatic for the Drama program, Emmett found out that the louder and dramatic his 'cries of pain' were, the happier Thing One and Thing Two were.

Currently it was nine in the morning and Emmett just got handed the task of waking up ol' Moldyshorts. Normally, Snape or Malfoy would be doing this, but, they were currently er, indisposed at the moment and probably would be for a very long time. After gettting dressed and reapplying the Dark Mark on his left arm so that no one would get suspicious, Emmett walked out of his room and headed to the Dark Lord's room, whistling a swingin' tune from the twenties as he went.

He walked by a door that he knew to be a broom closet and he could hear not-so-innocent noises coming from it.

Emmett smirked, a very mischievous one. He pulled out his handy-dandy black Sharpee and then proceeeded to write in very big and bold letters **'WARNING- DEATH EATER BREEDING PROGRAM IN PROGRESS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION!'**

Laughing quietly to himself at his wit, he continued his way to Moldyshorts room. When he got there, he quietly knocked, knowing that it wouldn't be heard on the other side.

"Oh, Dark Lord, it's time to rise and shine sleepyhead." He whispered in a sing song voice. "Hmm, I guess he can't hear me. Looks like I'll have to go inside then." He said in a mock thoughtful voice while opening the door and stepping inside. Emmett quickly scanned the room and grinned when he saw the sleeping form of the Dark Lord curled up in his bed....cuddling with a...PINK TEDDY BEAR. Emmett had to hold in his laughter for fear of waking him up to soon and he quickly fished in one of his pockets for his camera. He took a picture and put it back.

Softly, Emmett cleared his throat and the started singing. "Round, round, get around, I get around." Over and over getting louder each time until he was bellowing it out.

"Who's turn is it to die!?!?!" Voldemort asked stupidly, jolting awake trying to hide his teddy bear

Emmett snickered quietly, another idea forming in his head. He arranged his facial expression to a apologetic and contrite look. "I'm sorry, my Lord, Bellatrix Lestrange told me to wake you up, and that I should do so while singing a muggle song." He said hanging his down in mock shame. _I wish Eddie was here so I could know what he was thinking._ He thought, grinning.

"Leave now so I can dress. And for your blatant stupidity, you will have to go watch over Hogwarts with Severus and Lucius." Moldyshorts said, Emmett nodded, still looking down. He grimaced, spending time with the Butt Buddies was NOT his idea of a great time.

"See you later, Sir." Emmett said, walking out of the door, walking down the hall while singing "Round, round, get around, I GET AROUND!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Voldemort and about twelve other voices rang out.

**A/N: Well, how was that one? I hope you liked it, cuz I had fun writing it. I'm afraid that this chapter was the only chapter I was able to write while on my trip, I was just too distracted to write anymore. But, in the next chapter I wanted to have one of the other Cullens come and help Emmett out with his little Operation. So, I'm going to let you, the Readers & Reviewers to decide. Leave your Vote in a review. The choices are: Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice or Edward, Bella's not in the story cuz, she'd only be a preteen or something while this was going on. xD Hope you enjoyed it! **


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